Right when I start to laugh at myself for even considering it as a possibility you make me feel like I'm on top of the world all over again.

I am a hypocrite.


I can never stop myself.


You taught me how to lie.

you.

you need to grow up.

because i am done with this little game you've always seemed to love.

it's ridiculous how you think you understand me,

but if i call you on it, you won't admit that you do.

i've never claimed to understand you, but you've assumed that i thought i did.

i'll admit that i thought i had a chance, but im giving up now.

it's nothing now, and you should know that, you're the one that made sure i understood.

say goodbye, one more time, let me rise back to life. i was wrong, you were right, let me go, it's polite.

.

rip conor ryan.

06.19.10.

airliner.

So can we just slow down while you make this mistake, just slow down so my heart don't break.

It's like your flying through the sky in a big airliner, looking at me with those dark brown eyes you say, "I'll be forever yours." Coming undone and my seams unravel, you know that I love you but my heart won't travel but I'll still be yours.

and it always comes down to this spot.
where i think everything is going to be okay, 
im a strong person again,
but then something like this happens and i want to tell someone,
so maybe they can make me feel strong again,
but all the people that i would tell left me.
and i dont know who to tell about this,
cause i have no one that i know would truly care.


but then again if they left, maybe they never did care.

wake up.

suicide is real. why is it so ignored and looked down on? i know it's a bad choice, but it's not a choice to be ignored.
it's like we live our lives, thinking everything is super great, and we think we and everyone around us are  invincible.
but we're not.
we have no idea when suicide, death, accidents can slip in and take someone.

i dont know.

You! (:

He's just another boy like the others,

I'm not changing for a thing.

I'm the queen of the world -

And you're the king of the brainless

Please hang up the phone

And we can end this rather painless

Yes, I can be cruel,

but I know this much is true -

You can find another me,

but I can find a million yous.

iiiiiiiiiiiajsfldkajsdfj.

you ask me why i don't like you,

but maybe it's cause you tell me that im worthless and just a girl that's there.

you make me so angry at myself.

just shut up and never talk to me again, please.

efsdfsdg

i am the worst sister ever.
i do not like myself at all.

notsure.

i don't know what i am doing, but i think i am happy.

a lot confused, but happy.

I Woke Up.

I realize that people are going to disappoint me.

I get it. I expect it.

But I woke up this morning,

And I realized,

That maybe Im the disappointment.

drop her heart, break her name...

What's the point of this?

I promise you that you're not getting a second chance.

I learned my lesson already.

Please do not try to take back the words you tore me apart with.

mrehh.

Missing you wasn't in my plans for this weekend.

I really shouldn't miss you, and I definitely shouldn't feel ignored.

Mreh. Dumb me.

Seriously though.

I also wish I could dance cool.

hey you, you're pretty (pretty artificial.)

i can't believe so much time has been wasted.

소년.

I don't understand how someone who's only known English for a few years understands me better than anyone else. I wish I knew what I could do with this. But I don't think I can do anything right now.

"I think I believe in you more than you believe in yourself."

S [H E] B E [L I E] V E [D].

This really wasn't a great time.

But you know that, don't you?

I love how you think you know everything.

If you only knew...

my blog, my thoughts. you don't get to decide.

I haven't felt like this since last june.

And I wouldn't exactly call that a good thing.

Why did you do that?

I don't see why any of it seemed okay in your head.

Im so confused, so angry, so upset.

And you continue to make me feel worse.

d e a r y o u t h r e e & a h a l f.

i'm tired of you bragging just for the sake of bragging.

i honestly don't care about what you have and i don't.

i like where i am. it makes me happy.

why are you trying to make me jealous?

--

why am i not allowed to hang out with someone else?

you shouldn't control my life.

i like them better. they make me laugh and they don't annoy me.

i'm sorry they don't stand to your standards, but they are up to mine.

all i needed was some people that can make me laugh, and understand me.

how is it that someone who speaks a totally different language knows exactly what i want?

how is it that the kid that everyone said i would hate is actually starting to become my best friend?

why do i feel more welcome with the people that are the lower of who i am with now?

is anyone true in their actions?

--

i understand you don't like me much anymore.

do you have to make it so obvious?

i feel so embarrassed. -

i get it. -

you're making me insane.

c o m p l e t e l y. i n s a n e.

is this something more for you?

i don't want to wreck something that could be good.

no where.

awayawayaway. donedonedonedone.

iwanttogoaway.

too busy. too tired. too annoyed.

who are you?

who am i?

the person that was keeping me sane doesn't like me much.

so where does that leave me?

no where, i think.

away.

why do i even still check?

i want to fly away.

i wish i had wings.

and i thought i knew you.

I am so lost.

I don't know who I am,

Or what I want.

Maybe an answer,

some sort of sign,

That what I think is going on,

Is what is.

Or maybe isn't.

I don't know.

Who are you?

youuu.

"You love and you learn. You're not feeling this way because everything was wrong, you're feeling it because it was so right. If everything is broken now, it's not anyone's fault. Things happen, and maybe you're not going to work it out. But you can't focus on what is going on there because then everything else that can't work out will be broken."

So maybe it had nothing to do with what I was feeling, and maybe it had everything to do with it. Either way, whether they were the right words or the wrong, I needed to hear.

Heyyou.

Hi.

I am glad we're so close now.

But can you stop an think for a bit before you make decisions?

You're such an idiot when you don't.

It's not helping you do anything but fit in with you're 'cool' friends.

What do they matter in the end anyway?

hasn't been easy.

Im not sure if what you're saying is meant for me, or for someone else.

Either way, Im still where I've been for the last months.

You make me happy, even if I don't always know what's going on.

yeah, well. happy tonight.

jill'swords.

"I am sick and tired of watching this country be brought to its knees. It our parents' generation job to fix this problem, and our generation's job to make sure it never happens again."

history does not have to be future.

You're with me everywhere I am, buddy.

There's not a day I don't see your face.

Sorry Im not doing more for you. See you in Heaven. ♥

Dear you three:

Im fed up with you. Why are you so freaking hypocritical?

Take a look at what you're saying, before you jump to conclusions on what Im saying.

Ever think that Im responding different than before because you're starting it different?

Just don't talk to me anymore if you're going to be stupid about it.

--

Stop telling people 'when' and 'next time'. There will not be a next time. I meant what I said before. It doesn't work.

--

I miss you. The problem is, I don't think you miss me anymore. Your words seem forced and annoyed. Would you just make it a clean break instead of slowly tearing? Seems a funny thing to request...it just works better for me, for some reason.

Sorry.

I haven't had much to say recently.

I just realized how much I blamed you for,

When none of it was your fault.

Done with that. Moving on,

Talking instead of assuming.

youu.

Would you tell me if Im annoying?

I honestly feel like I'm terribly annoying.

Well. Let me know, maybe?

flashbacks.

I really am tired of you.
Spending the next four years with you will not be enjoyable.
Do not treat me like I am nothing.
You make me want to disappear for a long time.

Pseudonymous.

I don't know why it makes me so happy.
No one will ever see it.
I feel like a different person.
I guess that's what a pen name does.
<3

Writing.

She said it's always best to cry in the rain.
When I asked her why she said it was because no one could tell if it was rain drops or tears on her face.
What happens if the rain stops before you do, I asked.
Even when the rain stops, it doesn't disappear - tears can linger for a while, she told me.
And I held my black umbrella over her, because I didn't want her to hide her cries anymore.

untitled.

do i know anything about you?
i mean,
i know your favorite color, your favorite food.
what makes you laugh, what makes you embarrassed.
what makes you mad, what makes you nervous.
but really. what does that actually do for me in life?
absolutely nothing.
well, i could draw you a picture, make you something,
make you laugh and keep you from being embarrassed.
i could make you never angry with me,
and i could make sure i dont make you nervous.

i don't know what that does.
i don't know what makes you, you.
i've asked but you said no.
that's fine, but i wish you'd at least say something.

when it comes down to it,
i really think we are strangers.
close friends, that are really strangers.

open.

i wish you'd give it a second chance.
i really wish you would.
i don't understand much of it.
but it's something,
and it's something i want you to have too.

i wish you'd let me hear your side.

...

"Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Forgive me, Lord.
It's all for you now.

strikethree.

either my mind is playing crazy tricks on me,
or i am going to go through all this again.
wow.
i might be crazy.
oh well.

.

i.
do.
not.
like.
you.

i.
am.
tired.
of.
trying.

please.
please.
stop.
insulting.
me.
leave.
me.
alone.
and.
stop.
being.
a.
jerk.

thanks.

You don't have to say the words you think I want to hear anymore.
Just a few more true words out of you would be enough.
Stop ignoring me, yeah?

ready.set.go.

Idontcare.
I am going to just forget about it.
And be happy.

No more confusion.
Just truth.

and the funny thing is

i still check it,

just incase.

fading fast.

three hundred people are reading a story i don't know the ending too.

i don't even know if i understand who i'm writing about.

maybe, just maybe, i imagine the weirdest things,

just to make myself believe that everything is great.

or maybe, i don't imagine anything at all,

and everything really is great.

but i know that isn't true,

because i know some truths about this story,

and at this point,

the ending doesn't look to be too happy.

i can't be held up to expectations i'm not aware of,

in the same way i can't hold anyone up to expectations they are not aware of.

i can't decide what they can't decide,

nor can anyone else decide what i cannot.

is anything certain in my thoughts?

completely certain -

without a hint of doubt.

well, one thing i know of,

but it could be fading fast.

things seem to be doing that a lot lately.

fading fast,

as time slows.

funny.

NoLongerJustWords.

Would it be worth it,

Just to be with someone

That understands your worth?

Oh, and,

Not everything I say is about you.

Don't assume things?

Thanks .

oh, shut up.

Nothing is going to happen.

You live freaking six hours away.

Leave me alone.

Please.

Slkasjdfl;kjsad.

hjukl.

.

I'm tired of you're crappy attitude towards everything.

I'm trying to be happy, but you're really just making me angry.

I understand that you're going through a lot. Don't blame me for things I'm not doing.

.

I can't decide what you can't decide.

But I guess you can't decide what I can't decide either.

.

SummerCircuit.

We overthink and overanalyze
When the answer's right in front of our eyes
We won't change over night
Let's not forget who we are
And let's promise with our pinkies crossed
These things take some time

Hm.

today was good.

i am happy.

undecided.2.

I can't decide if I hate how you've been able to figure out exactly what I mean by the way I say things, or if I like it.

You're the first that's done it.

It makes me feel vulnerable.

Need.Convince.Disappear.

Maybe I wouldn't want to disappear at all, maybe, just maybe, I convince myself into believing that it's needed. I don't think it's needed at all.

adlkj

I would like to disappear.

For a long time.

brian.andreas.

"I have too much to lose, she said, if I cross that line. Like what? I said. She could not think of anything that day so she said she'd get back to me. Since then I've been thinking what I would lose if I cross my line & I haven't come up with anything either. There's always another line somewhere."

"I was waiting for the longest time, she said. I thought you forgot. It is hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone."

"Torn between wanting to stay & wanting to go & worried it will be the wrong decision either way."

"Leaning out as far as she can, hoping she'll fall soon, so she can stop worrying about whether it will happen or not. "

,

what is that supposed to mean?

Don't Listen To A Word You've Heard.

"Close your eyes, try to seek a vision you can listen to. A vision of collisions of what you know is true. You can do what you pursue if you only try to open your eyes and listen to the visions with collisions risen from what you've listened to. Listen to, no, don't listen to a word you've heard. Unless, unless the word that you've heard is a word you've said. Close your ears to words from out, unless the word came out of your head, or the word was built with your hands. Close your soul to the voice of man from a non-distant land. That man has a plan to put bullets through your stand. Do you understand this, or do you stand over this? Do you stand over me? You must not be listening, it's okay, I understand why."

Sorry if I weird you out.

I don't know what we are.

Last night made me realize just how selfish I am.

You.

Um.

Please don't make bad decisions.

Please don't hurt yourself.

Please don't do something stupid.

Please.

I'm afraid that I understand now.

I don't want to understand if understanding means what it means.

JustinNozuka.

Way above the clouds

And high above the stars

Through the unknown black holes

No one knows where we are.

Revised.

I am having some serious writing inspiration right now.

And for once, it's not about you - it's not about anyone.

I am happy. I am writing.

And I have no reason too.

I have no excessive thoughts to get off my chest.

I have no worries, no dreams.

Just happiness.

And it's funny how that's working out(:

Lomography.

So...I like it.

I guess I'll need about $350 now.

dreaming.

the silence isn't so deafening any more.

writeforme.

Two hundred fifteen.

Who knows, honestly?

Not me.

And The Truth Comes Out.

Admitting the words out loud was harder than I thought it would be. I never even admitted them to myself, in reality. The thought was there - the chance - but when it came down to it, the words came to my mind easily, though as I spoke them, they seemed to stick to my throat. I didn't want to admit the things I did. I don't want to admit defeat.

(170.)

On This Night.

on this night,

she sits alone.

on this night,

the stars and moon are full,

bright.

on this night,

the knotted and reaching tree

is still.

on this night,

all is right,

except -

on this night,

she is alone.

hah.

Tired of hearing the words you think I want to hear.

Just tell the truth and let what happens, happen.

..

and all I see is no more reasons to try.

undecided.

Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.

About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.

Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.

And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.

We all want to know - how it ends.

Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know?

Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.

Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?

Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.

Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.

In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.

Let's give it a shot.

We all want to know, how it ends.

Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.

Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.

Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?

We all have a story to tell.

Whether we whisper or yell.

We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.

We all have a story to tell.

Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.

Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.

Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?

We all have a story to tell.

We all have a story to tell.

We all have a story to tell.

We all have a story to tell.

-happilyeverafter.weishe.

Thoughts Into An Excerpt.

"Eventually, the two sides have to connect. The puzzle always will fit together, no matter how hard, how different the two sides are. Eventually, they fit. And when they fit," He told me, "It'll be like an explosion."

I didn't answer, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to know more about this explosion, this puzzle.

He continued. "Whether you're by my side or not when the pieces collide, it'll be an explosion you'll see, you'll be effected."

How could one persons pieces effect someone not connected?

He read my thoughts, it seemed. "I'm part of your world, and you mine. We don't fade from that - we fade from memory, memory that some day, some way, will always come back."

"You're part of my world, not my entire world."

"So one part can't affect a whole? If that were true, the entire universe would be different."

I had no thoughts at this point.

Just wonder.

You want the sunrise to go back to bed.

I want to make you laugh.

Um.

I wish I had something to say to you.

I wish I could make everything better.

I wish it would all go away.

I wish a lot of things.

Sorry?.

:/

jsljasfkj.

Truth.

I want to close up and never tell anyone anything ever again.

All it leads to feeling left behind and confusion, it seems.

But doing that would mean giving up, admitting defeat, and that doesn't exactly seem right.

I would rather people not try to spare my feelings.

I would rather know what is going on.

I want to be one hundred percent happy.

For a long while.

No, not even a long while. Even just a day or two.

And sometimes, when Im with the right people,

And Im hearing what seems like the right words,

It all seems perfect.

But then I remember that nothing is perfect.

And those words were twisted maybe just a little too much in my mind.

And I'm just imagining things to be happy.

But maybe that's the part that isn't true?

How would I know.

I suppose I wouldn't.

"And I find that Im never alone, and I find that my heart is my home. And the music within makes me whole, a world that I built on my own. And the missing piece of me, I can find in the melody."

Oh, what if.

What if one day we just opened our eyes only to find out everything was a tightly woven dream?

Or even that we were pawns in a game?

What if there is another world out there, maybe finding more reason to live better, maybe in total war?

What if there are many other worlds out there, and one day, the worlds would all collide?

What if?

everything is happening at once.

then nothing happens at all.

um.?

well.

I don't know what's happening.

So.

Someonelikeyou - sorry.

Strong enough? Wrong enough? Made my way? Chosen to stay? Become like someone else? Be like you? Stay with you? Held in my arms? -Would you be strong enough?-

You're asking all the wrong questions way too late for an answer. And if you really want to sound "sweet" don't use lyrics from a song next time.

121.

Not you,

(Unless it needs to be, I guess?)

But mostly, not you.

This awkward ignore-don't ignore period is not much fun.

Either you do, or you don't.

But don't act like it's one when it's not.

Honestly.

.

I have an incurable disease.

This disease doesn't have me.

96now?

I don't know what I'm searching for anymore.

I miss you.

hah.

eh//

Don't hide behind the pages

I'm trying to memorize,

Don't hide the broken pieces

I need to see.

I know that I've let you down;

But whatever it takes.

Story.

The count is up to seventy-three now. That's seventy-three more people then I thought would see.

Can't help but wonder if one of them might be the one person it's about.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

⁷To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Some days you wake up feeling great.

Full of possibility, freedom and love.

But you haven't had one of those days in a while.

Maybe ever.

explain.

umM.

Falling up. Wish it was possible. Follow me. Stay with me.

Isounddumb.

Idontknow.

Time.

I wish I would've met you a few months earlier. Then maybe, just maybe. you could've talked me out of the worst mistake I've made, while all my other friends pushed me towards it. Funny how time works against you sometimes.

Time.

Does time ever slow? Or speed up?

Would we notice if it did - forgetting all the science that would prove it to be doing one or the other.

Would anyone notice - without science - that the day is ten minutes longer, or shorter?

Would anyone care?

What would it mean?

technicolorphase.

And if you cut me,

I suppose I would bleed

The colors of the evening stars.

You can go anywhere you wish.

Cause Ill be there wherever you are.

Done with being lost.

I want to figure myself out.

Silly dreams. Silly, silly dreams.

gone.

Um.

I wish I had something to say.

I wish I could be laying out in a field watching the stars.

So I could disappear for couple minutes, even seconds.

I want to disappear.

Imdone.

123?

takethis.

I can't see the stars tonight.

I want to see them.

mythoughts.

You'll never see the ending while you're young and still pretending.

found.

letitrain.

Oh, let the rain keep falling down

Cause it won't stop me

From getting where I'm bound

Maybe I'm crazy

Maybe it's too late

But I'm gonna make it

Don't care what the skies say

So oh, let it rain

Let it rain

I don't know where Im going with this.

- That's a lie, I do.

I just don't know if you'll be disappointed in what you see.

It's more simple then what I think you're expecting.

Imagine something great, but don't be let down if you find it.

live.truth.restart.

"A man should not be judged by his mistakes, but what he does after them."

yes.

Forty-three strangers are.

You've read half a page, whether you've realized it or not.

Your's.

Half a book written, half a page read.

story.

"Young has nothing to do with it. Age is a number; feelings are true, truth is reality.

So face reality...tell this person how you feel. Forget your fears, forget what COULD happen. Live in the moment, never in fear, and let whatever be, just be.

I used to be very much like you, or rather like the person I interprate through this story... But I changed, and I am now able to live up to everything and take every kind of chance without second thought. I never forget, and I never regret. I changed for a bad reason; sorrow and heart-ache changed who I am, but I'm happy I went through it...because I'm better now.

You dont need to tell us how you feel...you need to tell him. 'Plunge Forth Into The Deep'...and dont ever be afraid of a conclusion. Just be honest, there's no sin in that."

Advice from a stranger on something I never intended anyone to read.

ha.

okay, well.

i don't know anymore?

blogger confuses life.

usewordsdirectedatpeople.

Tired.

I'm so exhausted.

Tired of caring.

Breathe.

ohwhoknows.

Sometimes I just want to totally break down and run into someone's arms and cry for hours over nothing in particular, yet everything.

And that seems so stupid, and I can't believe Im actually posting this, but oh well.

Oh, who knows.

hm//

give me a sign,

cause i don't want to keep fighting

if i'm the only one still trying.

notonebit.

And it's a great feeling,

But part of me is so afraid to live it out.

I love where I'm at,

I like who I am.

But then there's all these things that seem to be lurking to destroy me.

I'm always paranoid though.

Who knows.

imissyou.

Hm?

"Your existence tortures me."

"Um?"

"Knowing that you're happy somewhere else is excruciating."

Funny how those words are coming from you now.

When not one ounce of sensitivity is left for you.

q&a.

Every time all I have is answers, there's no questions for me.

And when all I have is questions, everyone only wants an answer.

I'm not sure what to say to anyone anymore.

mreh.

comeback.

How much this is affecting me is sort of crazy.

I didn't expect this all to go this way.

There is hope.

Hh.

Sillyme.

I don't understand these dreams I keep having.

It's like even my unconscious mind knows Im terrified to lose you.

I don't know why I think about it.

It scares me more than it needs too.

stars.

As Im laying under the stars thinking about how crazy it all is that they're there, and Im here, and I feel like they can just fall right onto me and cover me so easily, when really they're millions of miles away, everything disappears and Im completely content of where I'm at. There's no stress, no sounds, no worries.

Just me, my God, and my thoughts.

I don't know why it's so easy to get lost in it.

I have these people around me, and I love being here with them, but part of me wishes I could just disappear into the sky above me and fall asleep and not wake up until everything that is wrong will be gone.

But then where would all the adventure be?

you.

I'm really struggling with the question of if it's okay to tell you to leave me alone or not. That would leave me in a tough situation, but really, I can't handle it anymore.

I really don't want to hear your criticism and opinions anymore. I want to be my own person, and you're really bringing me down.

I'm not sure.

alexhobbs.

I need to disappear from this city for a while
Gaze at the world itself vs. that picture on the wall

But Im afraid that if I go
You wont realize Im gone
Youll call, and Ill hang up the phone
And pretend the signal was lost
Stare from the plane to the world outside
Im sure glad I refused to say goodbye

Ill travel till I find my place
That will put my head on, put my head on straight
Some things I want to slip from mind
Some things I know will stay through time

Mine.

I don't want to hear your opinions anymore. It's my life, right? So why can't I make my own mistakes? You can tell me you know from experience as many times as you want, but my life isn't going to be a mirror of yours. If I want to put myself in this situation, I will, and you cannot stop that. Im not sure if you're actually trying to protect me from something, or feel like you need to be in control of something - either way, stop it, please.

I'm doing this for me, and not for anyone else.

Time.

I dont really know what's going on in my life right now.

It's so confusing and frustrating.

I haven't decided if Im okay with that, or if Im losing it.

It's quite odd.

meowmeow.

idontknowwhatyou'rethinking.

Andthat'sokay.

believing.

All I can think of is how I can't make the same mistake again.

And all I know is that you won't be the same, you can't be the same.

I keep reminding myself of all the time you proved that.

But still, I don't know what this is, and I'm ready for it to be figured out.

I cannot believe that I was willing to let this all fall away for those few minutes.

I cannot believe you are putting up with me.

I cannot believe you're taking the blame, even when you don't know why Im saying these things.

---

Is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding?

All my thoughts and dreams in hope that you will be with me or

Is this a moment to remember or just a cold day in December, I wonder

If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed cause you are

Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are

And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true

That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you

-safetysuit,anywherebuthere.

I'm Not.

Areyoukiddingme?

(Even just a little bit?)

You must be clueless.

I don't know how else to say it for you to understand.

I'm Sorry.

I'll take the blame, if that's what it is - it's my fault.

I don't know why this had to be turned into a blame game.

(I don't understand what it is that you're doing.)

But I guess I never did for that matter.

liar.

Why are you lying to me?

Honestly, at this point, the lies are hurting more than the truth.

I am tired of people hiding things to protect me.

Just tell me how it is and stop beating around the bush.

Please.

I know you lied, and that only makes the fact that you lied in the first place hurt more.

Can you just tell me the truth? About everything.

happyvalentines?

"You're so set on escape," He pointed out. "Why is it so crucial?"

I had no answer for him, except that it was. I had no want to be here any longer.

"There's no place for you to go at this time of night. It's dark - you'll only get lost."

"I'll lose myself," I agreed. "Which is why escape would be wonderful."

"What's keeping you from going?" He asked, his eyebrows arched in serious thought.

I still had no answer for him. "Time is short, maybe. Maybe I need to wait it out."

"And what if waiting turns into a eternity?" He asked suddenly.

I thought about his words. "By eternity, I'll be so fed up there would be no reason for escape."

"Where would you be?" He asked.

"Here, I imagine." I paused, thinking hard on what exactly I think I would be. "With you, maybe."

"Maybe?" He questioned.

"If you stay, yes. I'd like that, escape would be silly if my own escape was stuck right here with me."

"Your own escape?" He repeated, half questioning the thought.

"Yes," I nodded my head. "My own little escape from the reality that is tearing me apart."

"Slowly like a band-aid should be pulled, or quickly like people think it needs to be?"

I couldn't help but smile as I answered, "Somewhere in between, I think. Someone who's unsure of which way to tear is better."

He thought about it. "So stay with me."

"I'd like that." I agreed, closing my eyes.

Im sorry.

I dont know what is wrong with me.

I am so stupid.

forgetit.idontknowwhat'sgoingon,andimhonestlydonetryingtofigureitout.idontknowwhatimsupposedtosay,ordo,ornotsay,ornotdo.

maybeiamclueless,ormaybeyouare,butitdoesntmatteranymore,becauseimgivingup.startingover,iguess.nomoreofthisfornomaybe.

iknowitwillhappenanyway,butihonestlywishitwouldnt.idontknowwhatweare,whatwearent,whatyou'rethinking,orwhatishouldbethinking.

soherewego,givingup,startingover,continuing.whatwillittaketomakeorbreakthishintoflove.imdone.andthat'swhatitmeans,ifyourememberasking.

A Few Minutes Change My Thoughts,

The first thing that comes to mind was "who are you, and what have you done with my friend?"

But then I re-read what you told me, and understand completely.

I'll take the chance. And maybe it will work out.

laksjfasldkfjasdfiloveyoulkjaldjksfasdf.

herewego?

Again.

"Do you remember when it first started?

Before the confusion? That's him, right?

So doesn't that make things better?

Just knowing that at one point everything was okay,

And can be again?"

Sometimes I just need to listen to people and think about what they're telling me.

Thanks

Old Poem.

From early 2009.

I dont know what wrong with her,

But she's falling faster than anyone could catch her.

I dont know what's up with you,

But nobodies even trying.

I dont know what she thinks about,

But no one's guessing anymore.

Idontknow.

wondering.

howcomeyoufindmusicthatdefinesexactlywhatimthinking?

Icantevenbesureifyoumeanit,buti'llpretend,becausepretendingfeelsright,rightnow.

writerfriends.

"maybe that's exactly what i want;

someone to tear me apart at the seams
just to leave me bleeding on the floor
so i'd get a chance to put all my pieces
back together and see who i really am,

and if i didn't like what i saw, i could rearrange
the mess into a masterpiece and finally be content
with who i am as a whole."

interestingthoughts.

j.

everyday that goes by and you're not here

scares me more than the day before.

comeback,comeback,comeback.

please.

thisisterrifyingme.

maybe.

It helps me understand a bit more.

I think, at least.

I don't know why I try so hard to figure everything out.

begin.

starting.

who knows where this will end up.

either way, here it goes.

we're not the best of friends,

but i'm still worried.

comeback.

kljadflkajsd.

lyrics.

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And no need to worry

That's wastin time

And no need to wonder

What's been on my mind

It's you

It's you

It's you

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And I give up

I let you win

You win cause I'm not counting

You made it back

To sleep again

Wonder what you're dreaming

Thoughts//Wondering.

-talktome.

-i dont want to hear about it anymore.

-i'm sorry.

-you don't understand, because i didn't tell you all of it.

-i can't tell anyone all of it.

-secrets scattered?

-good writing, unable to be written.

-fictionpress is overwhelming.

-i want to understand the truth.

-i'm trying to wait patiently for what you're trying to say.

-you're not as good at pretending nothing is wrong as you think you are.

-don't lie to me, because you are a terrible liar.

//

I noticed that when I tell you about things that were especially hard for me to go through, I talk faster and loose my breath. I wonder if you've noticed too, but then I think of how silly that would be to notice -- it's not that big of a deal.

well,

I'm moving on.

Sorry that I messed so much up.

Forgiveme?.

why

are you acting like you loved all this before you met him?

it's absolutely annoying how you complain that no one likes you for you,

when i see you making up something to be your favorite when you hated it before.

just be yourself.

please?

blah.

iwanttogetoutofhere.

stop fighting over little things.

cannotsleep.

So there we were, back home
From somewhere inside my head
Well bravely I fought off monsters beneath her bed
Pillars of post-war books supported my frame of mind
While she memorized the pages that I tried to not hide behind
She took my hand in hers and whispered her love for me
The lantern died that night but we didn't need to see
Implying that she's the bees knees and I am the cats meow
It's funny how she recalls when I can't remember now

But when her smile came back
And I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack
Just because she looked so adorable
We both put our sunblock on
Laid on the beach and vowed that wed live and wed learn
Yeah, But she got a tan and I got a sunburn
I got a sunburn

So there we were out there
Unaware of where wed been
We kicked off our flip-flops
And swung from the rooftops again
It's awkward but I'll confess she's all I can think about
And it's funny how I recall when she can't remember now

But when her smile came back
And I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack
Just because she looked so adorable
We both put our sunblock on
Laid on the beach and vowed that wed live and wed learn
Yeah, But she got a tan and I got a sunburn

Oh afterglow, look out below!
Wed left a trail of dust behind
As we parted ways, she held my gaze,
And left and imprint on my mind
I tried not to cry as we said goodbye
And hung the clouds above my town
But I she'd a tear when she disappeared
Cause now I'm a stranger on the ground

But when her smile came back
And I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack
We both put our sunblock on
Laid on the beach and vowed that wed live and wed learn
But she got a tan and I got a sunburn
She got a tan and I got a sunburn
Yeah, but she got a tan and I got a sunburn

-sunburn,owlcity.

hm.

Im kind of an idiot.
But I miss you even so.

Imworkingonwritingyousomething,Imnotsureyou'llgettoreadit.

FictionPressReviews.

-The emotion they all rant about is in reality that simple verse of hope. Love it. :)

-This was very...Pessimistic. However I appreciated the realism and the last line was perfect. Well done =]

-This leaves something hauntingly empty to feel. Good work. :)

-beautiful, amazing, perfect...u get the gist of it. absolutely thrilling...compared to some of ur other works I read, its like viewing a master's painting and the others were like chicken scratches on a canvas. thanks for a beautiful piece

-sad. :( the emotion is well delivered and the message is really sad.

-You really developed the comparison between a relationship and a puzzle very well! I wouldn't have thought to describe it as a puzzle at first, but now I see the light. The very beginning seemed SO much like something I could compare to (the one about the crush that doesn't know you exist). A nicely thought out metaphor, in general, just one thing. I'm a stickler for grammar, and in one part, can't find it now, but you used "then" when it should have been "than". Just to let you know...

-I apologize for smiling at the second bullet but I couldn't help it, I can relate all too well. I actually quite enjoyed reading your thoughts, it was like taking a peek into someone elses life. Nice writing =]

-Very good poem! Wow, made me wanna cry! I've definitely been there and done that. Lonely place to be...but i guess you don't need me to tell you that. sorry. but you did a very great job at capturing the way it feels in this poem. It kinda brought it all back to me and i was instantly there again. Fantastic! That is definitely a difficult thing to do in writing. :) Keep up the good work!

-subpar.


it's funny how these strangers thoughts mean so much more to me than the friends that tell me the same.

I'm Not.

areyoukiddingme?
(even a little bit?)
...

(youmustbeclueless.)

it's my fault.

can you not see what i'm trying to say?

i'm sorry.

i don't know how to put it any other way for you to see.

..

I knew it was going to happen...

So why am I so disappointed?

you confuse me so much.

honestly.

i dont understand one bit of you.

leavemealone,yes?.

"You wont make it anywhere in life. You trust to easily, and look at the bright-side of things way too often. You're going to end up alone, heartbroken with no money. And Im going to pity you."

Haha, alright. I'd rather be alone than be the negative, greedy person you want me to be.

Im sick of your opinions, so please don't tell me what's wrong with me anymore. I see enough without you helping.

Thanks.