my blog, my thoughts. you don't get to decide.

I haven't felt like this since last june.

And I wouldn't exactly call that a good thing.

Why did you do that?

I don't see why any of it seemed okay in your head.

Im so confused, so angry, so upset.

And you continue to make me feel worse.

d e a r y o u t h r e e & a h a l f.

i'm tired of you bragging just for the sake of bragging.

i honestly don't care about what you have and i don't.

i like where i am. it makes me happy.

why are you trying to make me jealous?

--

why am i not allowed to hang out with someone else?

you shouldn't control my life.

i like them better. they make me laugh and they don't annoy me.

i'm sorry they don't stand to your standards, but they are up to mine.

all i needed was some people that can make me laugh, and understand me.

how is it that someone who speaks a totally different language knows exactly what i want?

how is it that the kid that everyone said i would hate is actually starting to become my best friend?

why do i feel more welcome with the people that are the lower of who i am with now?

is anyone true in their actions?

--

i understand you don't like me much anymore.

do you have to make it so obvious?

i feel so embarrassed. -

i get it. -

you're making me insane.

c o m p l e t e l y. i n s a n e.

is this something more for you?

i don't want to wreck something that could be good.

no where.

awayawayaway. donedonedonedone.

iwanttogoaway.

too busy. too tired. too annoyed.

who are you?

who am i?

the person that was keeping me sane doesn't like me much.

so where does that leave me?

no where, i think.

away.

why do i even still check?

i want to fly away.

i wish i had wings.

and i thought i knew you.

I am so lost.

I don't know who I am,

Or what I want.

Maybe an answer,

some sort of sign,

That what I think is going on,

Is what is.

Or maybe isn't.

I don't know.

Who are you?

youuu.

"You love and you learn. You're not feeling this way because everything was wrong, you're feeling it because it was so right. If everything is broken now, it's not anyone's fault. Things happen, and maybe you're not going to work it out. But you can't focus on what is going on there because then everything else that can't work out will be broken."

So maybe it had nothing to do with what I was feeling, and maybe it had everything to do with it. Either way, whether they were the right words or the wrong, I needed to hear.

Heyyou.

Hi.

I am glad we're so close now.

But can you stop an think for a bit before you make decisions?

You're such an idiot when you don't.

It's not helping you do anything but fit in with you're 'cool' friends.

What do they matter in the end anyway?

hasn't been easy.

Im not sure if what you're saying is meant for me, or for someone else.

Either way, Im still where I've been for the last months.

You make me happy, even if I don't always know what's going on.

yeah, well. happy tonight.

jill'swords.

"I am sick and tired of watching this country be brought to its knees. It our parents' generation job to fix this problem, and our generation's job to make sure it never happens again."

history does not have to be future.

You're with me everywhere I am, buddy.

There's not a day I don't see your face.

Sorry Im not doing more for you. See you in Heaven. ♥

Dear you three:

Im fed up with you. Why are you so freaking hypocritical?

Take a look at what you're saying, before you jump to conclusions on what Im saying.

Ever think that Im responding different than before because you're starting it different?

Just don't talk to me anymore if you're going to be stupid about it.

--

Stop telling people 'when' and 'next time'. There will not be a next time. I meant what I said before. It doesn't work.

--

I miss you. The problem is, I don't think you miss me anymore. Your words seem forced and annoyed. Would you just make it a clean break instead of slowly tearing? Seems a funny thing to request...it just works better for me, for some reason.

Sorry.

I haven't had much to say recently.

I just realized how much I blamed you for,

When none of it was your fault.

Done with that. Moving on,

Talking instead of assuming.

youu.

Would you tell me if Im annoying?

I honestly feel like I'm terribly annoying.

Well. Let me know, maybe?

flashbacks.

I really am tired of you.
Spending the next four years with you will not be enjoyable.
Do not treat me like I am nothing.
You make me want to disappear for a long time.

Pseudonymous.

I don't know why it makes me so happy.
No one will ever see it.
I feel like a different person.
I guess that's what a pen name does.
<3

Writing.

She said it's always best to cry in the rain.
When I asked her why she said it was because no one could tell if it was rain drops or tears on her face.
What happens if the rain stops before you do, I asked.
Even when the rain stops, it doesn't disappear - tears can linger for a while, she told me.
And I held my black umbrella over her, because I didn't want her to hide her cries anymore.

untitled.

do i know anything about you?
i mean,
i know your favorite color, your favorite food.
what makes you laugh, what makes you embarrassed.
what makes you mad, what makes you nervous.
but really. what does that actually do for me in life?
absolutely nothing.
well, i could draw you a picture, make you something,
make you laugh and keep you from being embarrassed.
i could make you never angry with me,
and i could make sure i dont make you nervous.

i don't know what that does.
i don't know what makes you, you.
i've asked but you said no.
that's fine, but i wish you'd at least say something.

when it comes down to it,
i really think we are strangers.
close friends, that are really strangers.

open.

i wish you'd give it a second chance.
i really wish you would.
i don't understand much of it.
but it's something,
and it's something i want you to have too.

i wish you'd let me hear your side.

...

"Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Forgive me, Lord.
It's all for you now.

strikethree.

either my mind is playing crazy tricks on me,
or i am going to go through all this again.
wow.
i might be crazy.
oh well.

.

i.
do.
not.
like.
you.

i.
am.
tired.
of.
trying.

please.
please.
stop.
insulting.
me.
leave.
me.
alone.
and.
stop.
being.
a.
jerk.

thanks.