story.

"Young has nothing to do with it. Age is a number; feelings are true, truth is reality.

So face reality...tell this person how you feel. Forget your fears, forget what COULD happen. Live in the moment, never in fear, and let whatever be, just be.

I used to be very much like you, or rather like the person I interprate through this story... But I changed, and I am now able to live up to everything and take every kind of chance without second thought. I never forget, and I never regret. I changed for a bad reason; sorrow and heart-ache changed who I am, but I'm happy I went through it...because I'm better now.

You dont need to tell us how you feel...you need to tell him. 'Plunge Forth Into The Deep'...and dont ever be afraid of a conclusion. Just be honest, there's no sin in that."

Advice from a stranger on something I never intended anyone to read.

ha.

okay, well.

i don't know anymore?

blogger confuses life.

usewordsdirectedatpeople.

Tired.

I'm so exhausted.

Tired of caring.

Breathe.

ohwhoknows.

Sometimes I just want to totally break down and run into someone's arms and cry for hours over nothing in particular, yet everything.

And that seems so stupid, and I can't believe Im actually posting this, but oh well.

Oh, who knows.

hm//

give me a sign,

cause i don't want to keep fighting

if i'm the only one still trying.

notonebit.

And it's a great feeling,

But part of me is so afraid to live it out.

I love where I'm at,

I like who I am.

But then there's all these things that seem to be lurking to destroy me.

I'm always paranoid though.

Who knows.

imissyou.

Hm?

"Your existence tortures me."

"Um?"

"Knowing that you're happy somewhere else is excruciating."

Funny how those words are coming from you now.

When not one ounce of sensitivity is left for you.

q&a.

Every time all I have is answers, there's no questions for me.

And when all I have is questions, everyone only wants an answer.

I'm not sure what to say to anyone anymore.

mreh.

comeback.

How much this is affecting me is sort of crazy.

I didn't expect this all to go this way.

There is hope.

Hh.

Sillyme.

I don't understand these dreams I keep having.

It's like even my unconscious mind knows Im terrified to lose you.

I don't know why I think about it.

It scares me more than it needs too.

stars.

As Im laying under the stars thinking about how crazy it all is that they're there, and Im here, and I feel like they can just fall right onto me and cover me so easily, when really they're millions of miles away, everything disappears and Im completely content of where I'm at. There's no stress, no sounds, no worries.

Just me, my God, and my thoughts.

I don't know why it's so easy to get lost in it.

I have these people around me, and I love being here with them, but part of me wishes I could just disappear into the sky above me and fall asleep and not wake up until everything that is wrong will be gone.

But then where would all the adventure be?

you.

I'm really struggling with the question of if it's okay to tell you to leave me alone or not. That would leave me in a tough situation, but really, I can't handle it anymore.

I really don't want to hear your criticism and opinions anymore. I want to be my own person, and you're really bringing me down.

I'm not sure.

alexhobbs.

I need to disappear from this city for a while
Gaze at the world itself vs. that picture on the wall

But Im afraid that if I go
You wont realize Im gone
Youll call, and Ill hang up the phone
And pretend the signal was lost
Stare from the plane to the world outside
Im sure glad I refused to say goodbye

Ill travel till I find my place
That will put my head on, put my head on straight
Some things I want to slip from mind
Some things I know will stay through time

Mine.

I don't want to hear your opinions anymore. It's my life, right? So why can't I make my own mistakes? You can tell me you know from experience as many times as you want, but my life isn't going to be a mirror of yours. If I want to put myself in this situation, I will, and you cannot stop that. Im not sure if you're actually trying to protect me from something, or feel like you need to be in control of something - either way, stop it, please.

I'm doing this for me, and not for anyone else.

Time.

I dont really know what's going on in my life right now.

It's so confusing and frustrating.

I haven't decided if Im okay with that, or if Im losing it.

It's quite odd.

meowmeow.

idontknowwhatyou'rethinking.

Andthat'sokay.

believing.

All I can think of is how I can't make the same mistake again.

And all I know is that you won't be the same, you can't be the same.

I keep reminding myself of all the time you proved that.

But still, I don't know what this is, and I'm ready for it to be figured out.

I cannot believe that I was willing to let this all fall away for those few minutes.

I cannot believe you are putting up with me.

I cannot believe you're taking the blame, even when you don't know why Im saying these things.

---

Is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding?

All my thoughts and dreams in hope that you will be with me or

Is this a moment to remember or just a cold day in December, I wonder

If maybe, maybe I could be all you ever dreamed cause you are

Beautiful inside, so lovely and I can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are

And when I'm not with you, I know that it's true

That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you

-safetysuit,anywherebuthere.

I'm Not.

Areyoukiddingme?

(Even just a little bit?)

You must be clueless.

I don't know how else to say it for you to understand.

I'm Sorry.

I'll take the blame, if that's what it is - it's my fault.

I don't know why this had to be turned into a blame game.

(I don't understand what it is that you're doing.)

But I guess I never did for that matter.

liar.

Why are you lying to me?

Honestly, at this point, the lies are hurting more than the truth.

I am tired of people hiding things to protect me.

Just tell me how it is and stop beating around the bush.

Please.

I know you lied, and that only makes the fact that you lied in the first place hurt more.

Can you just tell me the truth? About everything.

happyvalentines?

"You're so set on escape," He pointed out. "Why is it so crucial?"

I had no answer for him, except that it was. I had no want to be here any longer.

"There's no place for you to go at this time of night. It's dark - you'll only get lost."

"I'll lose myself," I agreed. "Which is why escape would be wonderful."

"What's keeping you from going?" He asked, his eyebrows arched in serious thought.

I still had no answer for him. "Time is short, maybe. Maybe I need to wait it out."

"And what if waiting turns into a eternity?" He asked suddenly.

I thought about his words. "By eternity, I'll be so fed up there would be no reason for escape."

"Where would you be?" He asked.

"Here, I imagine." I paused, thinking hard on what exactly I think I would be. "With you, maybe."

"Maybe?" He questioned.

"If you stay, yes. I'd like that, escape would be silly if my own escape was stuck right here with me."

"Your own escape?" He repeated, half questioning the thought.

"Yes," I nodded my head. "My own little escape from the reality that is tearing me apart."

"Slowly like a band-aid should be pulled, or quickly like people think it needs to be?"

I couldn't help but smile as I answered, "Somewhere in between, I think. Someone who's unsure of which way to tear is better."

He thought about it. "So stay with me."

"I'd like that." I agreed, closing my eyes.

Im sorry.

I dont know what is wrong with me.

I am so stupid.

forgetit.idontknowwhat'sgoingon,andimhonestlydonetryingtofigureitout.idontknowwhatimsupposedtosay,ordo,ornotsay,ornotdo.

maybeiamclueless,ormaybeyouare,butitdoesntmatteranymore,becauseimgivingup.startingover,iguess.nomoreofthisfornomaybe.

iknowitwillhappenanyway,butihonestlywishitwouldnt.idontknowwhatweare,whatwearent,whatyou'rethinking,orwhatishouldbethinking.

soherewego,givingup,startingover,continuing.whatwillittaketomakeorbreakthishintoflove.imdone.andthat'swhatitmeans,ifyourememberasking.

A Few Minutes Change My Thoughts,

The first thing that comes to mind was "who are you, and what have you done with my friend?"

But then I re-read what you told me, and understand completely.

I'll take the chance. And maybe it will work out.

laksjfasldkfjasdfiloveyoulkjaldjksfasdf.

herewego?

Again.

"Do you remember when it first started?

Before the confusion? That's him, right?

So doesn't that make things better?

Just knowing that at one point everything was okay,

And can be again?"

Sometimes I just need to listen to people and think about what they're telling me.

Thanks

Old Poem.

From early 2009.

I dont know what wrong with her,

But she's falling faster than anyone could catch her.

I dont know what's up with you,

But nobodies even trying.

I dont know what she thinks about,

But no one's guessing anymore.

Idontknow.

wondering.

howcomeyoufindmusicthatdefinesexactlywhatimthinking?

Icantevenbesureifyoumeanit,buti'llpretend,becausepretendingfeelsright,rightnow.

writerfriends.

"maybe that's exactly what i want;

someone to tear me apart at the seams
just to leave me bleeding on the floor
so i'd get a chance to put all my pieces
back together and see who i really am,

and if i didn't like what i saw, i could rearrange
the mess into a masterpiece and finally be content
with who i am as a whole."

interestingthoughts.

j.

everyday that goes by and you're not here

scares me more than the day before.

comeback,comeback,comeback.

please.

thisisterrifyingme.

maybe.

It helps me understand a bit more.

I think, at least.

I don't know why I try so hard to figure everything out.

begin.

starting.

who knows where this will end up.

either way, here it goes.

we're not the best of friends,

but i'm still worried.

comeback.

kljadflkajsd.

lyrics.

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And no need to worry

That's wastin time

And no need to wonder

What's been on my mind

It's you

It's you

It's you

Every word you say I think

I should write down

Don't want to forget come daylight

And I give up

I let you win

You win cause I'm not counting

You made it back

To sleep again

Wonder what you're dreaming

Thoughts//Wondering.

-talktome.

-i dont want to hear about it anymore.

-i'm sorry.

-you don't understand, because i didn't tell you all of it.

-i can't tell anyone all of it.

-secrets scattered?

-good writing, unable to be written.

-fictionpress is overwhelming.

-i want to understand the truth.

-i'm trying to wait patiently for what you're trying to say.

-you're not as good at pretending nothing is wrong as you think you are.

-don't lie to me, because you are a terrible liar.

//

I noticed that when I tell you about things that were especially hard for me to go through, I talk faster and loose my breath. I wonder if you've noticed too, but then I think of how silly that would be to notice -- it's not that big of a deal.

well,

I'm moving on.

Sorry that I messed so much up.

Forgiveme?.

why

are you acting like you loved all this before you met him?

it's absolutely annoying how you complain that no one likes you for you,

when i see you making up something to be your favorite when you hated it before.

just be yourself.

please?

blah.

iwanttogetoutofhere.

stop fighting over little things.

cannotsleep.

So there we were, back home
From somewhere inside my head
Well bravely I fought off monsters beneath her bed
Pillars of post-war books supported my frame of mind
While she memorized the pages that I tried to not hide behind
She took my hand in hers and whispered her love for me
The lantern died that night but we didn't need to see
Implying that she's the bees knees and I am the cats meow
It's funny how she recalls when I can't remember now

But when her smile came back
And I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack
Just because she looked so adorable
We both put our sunblock on
Laid on the beach and vowed that wed live and wed learn
Yeah, But she got a tan and I got a sunburn
I got a sunburn

So there we were out there
Unaware of where wed been
We kicked off our flip-flops
And swung from the rooftops again
It's awkward but I'll confess she's all I can think about
And it's funny how I recall when she can't remember now

But when her smile came back
And I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack
Just because she looked so adorable
We both put our sunblock on
Laid on the beach and vowed that wed live and wed learn
Yeah, But she got a tan and I got a sunburn

Oh afterglow, look out below!
Wed left a trail of dust behind
As we parted ways, she held my gaze,
And left and imprint on my mind
I tried not to cry as we said goodbye
And hung the clouds above my town
But I she'd a tear when she disappeared
Cause now I'm a stranger on the ground

But when her smile came back
And I didn't feel half as horrible
She gave me a heart attack
We both put our sunblock on
Laid on the beach and vowed that wed live and wed learn
But she got a tan and I got a sunburn
She got a tan and I got a sunburn
Yeah, but she got a tan and I got a sunburn

-sunburn,owlcity.

hm.

Im kind of an idiot.
But I miss you even so.

Imworkingonwritingyousomething,Imnotsureyou'llgettoreadit.

FictionPressReviews.

-The emotion they all rant about is in reality that simple verse of hope. Love it. :)

-This was very...Pessimistic. However I appreciated the realism and the last line was perfect. Well done =]

-This leaves something hauntingly empty to feel. Good work. :)

-beautiful, amazing, perfect...u get the gist of it. absolutely thrilling...compared to some of ur other works I read, its like viewing a master's painting and the others were like chicken scratches on a canvas. thanks for a beautiful piece

-sad. :( the emotion is well delivered and the message is really sad.

-You really developed the comparison between a relationship and a puzzle very well! I wouldn't have thought to describe it as a puzzle at first, but now I see the light. The very beginning seemed SO much like something I could compare to (the one about the crush that doesn't know you exist). A nicely thought out metaphor, in general, just one thing. I'm a stickler for grammar, and in one part, can't find it now, but you used "then" when it should have been "than". Just to let you know...

-I apologize for smiling at the second bullet but I couldn't help it, I can relate all too well. I actually quite enjoyed reading your thoughts, it was like taking a peek into someone elses life. Nice writing =]

-Very good poem! Wow, made me wanna cry! I've definitely been there and done that. Lonely place to be...but i guess you don't need me to tell you that. sorry. but you did a very great job at capturing the way it feels in this poem. It kinda brought it all back to me and i was instantly there again. Fantastic! That is definitely a difficult thing to do in writing. :) Keep up the good work!

-subpar.


it's funny how these strangers thoughts mean so much more to me than the friends that tell me the same.

I'm Not.

areyoukiddingme?
(even a little bit?)
...

(youmustbeclueless.)

it's my fault.

can you not see what i'm trying to say?

i'm sorry.

i don't know how to put it any other way for you to see.

..

I knew it was going to happen...

So why am I so disappointed?

you confuse me so much.

honestly.

i dont understand one bit of you.

leavemealone,yes?.

"You wont make it anywhere in life. You trust to easily, and look at the bright-side of things way too often. You're going to end up alone, heartbroken with no money. And Im going to pity you."

Haha, alright. I'd rather be alone than be the negative, greedy person you want me to be.

Im sick of your opinions, so please don't tell me what's wrong with me anymore. I see enough without you helping.

Thanks.

umMm.

Imsorry.

I always think something wrong,

And I do all these stupid things,

And then you go and say something like that.

And I feel horrible, because it was all in my head.

i give up.

im not sure what you want,

but i dont care anymore.

imdone.

sillyme.

people talked constantly about you today.

made me kind of miss you.

unsure.

Im not sure if you're more of the person you really are around me or someone else.

I am me one hundred percent. I can't lie and say that Im not afraid you've been a lie the entire time.

christoferdrew.

The hours blend and your thoughts all haunt

Your hopes, your dreams, your everything,

And I've got a question, what is love?

What is love?

Is it giving up,

Because that's not how you raised me.

In a stitch like this you've got to think

And I don't think you think about the way he thinks.