Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Excerpt.Two.

"You help me see, you help me breathe." I took a deep, shaky breath. The air was frigid.

"I have to leave." He said again.

"Why?" I asked, searching for some hint of teasing in his eyes.

"It's time for me to go."

I pulled his hand close to my face. "The maps - they said nothing about leaving!"

"It's time for me to go now." He pulled his hand away and put it behind his back.

And then he was gone.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Living in darkness
Or dying in light.
Either way, there's an end to the rainbow.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Takethis.

Why is everything spinning so quickly?
I do not know what to do anymore.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

hm.

She always wanted what she never had, but never had what she needed so badly
Someone telling her she was fine and that's not right and it's why I'm saying:
Don't be shy here, don't just lie there, looks don't make the world go round but it comes around
Don't be shy here, please don't cry here, I always have to stop myself -
Cause you're beautiful

Finnegan.

Meet Finnegan(:
He's a little over four feet long, ball python.


Friday, December 25, 2009

.

love
is
a
funny
thing.
im
not
so
sure
about
it
anymore.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dumb.

I think you're just fine.
So stop pretending.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

five/onefiftyseven.

Handbreaks&Heartshakes.
:)
iloveyouu.
happyhappyhappy.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Please.

Stop creating awkward situations. It doesn't help accomplish anything.
Im flattered, but honestly, forget about it.

What I say on my blog is for strangers and friends to read alike.
I can say everything I need to say right here, but when it comes to people asking about it...
I cannot say it so boldly.

This break has been fantastic.

Monday, December 21, 2009

NoTitle.

You could say you don't understand me, or you could ask me what I mean. I can't promise you I can explain myself, or even promise that I'll tell you the truth. But either way, I will be glad that someone noticed.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

TheSummerCircuit.



You do your share and I'll do my part
We'll try to quiet the noise we hear in our hearts
When it comes to love we learned together how
And I owe it all to you girl, I'm being so sincere right now
And we don't need faith and we don't need hope
When you are low, I'll be your rope
Hand in hand we'll move ahead
Quiet your lips, nothing more needs to be said

Yeah, sometimes I get down when we're apart
You help me quiet my heart
Yeah, sometimes I get down when we're apart
You help me quiet the noise I hear in my heart

When we were little, you waited for me after class
Just two little kids in love who would have known that it would last
But we grew up together and built our life
And when it comes to the next step, we'll know when it arrives
Because with you, I never feel rushed
I can't think of a better life to live while I'm growing up
And we'll take each step once at a time
Because forever and always girl I am yours and you are mine
You are mine, you are mine, you are mine

Yeah, sometimes I get down when we're apart
You help me quiet my heart
Yeah, sometimes I get down when we're apart
You help me quiet the noise I hear in my heart

I hope this song says what I can't; I know I tend to rant
But I'll try my best to make you understand
That when I'm down, you give me life
In dark you are my light
I need you and you need me and that's how it will always be

Yeah, sometimes I get down when we're apart
You help me quiet my heart
Yeah, sometimes I get down when we're apart
You help me quiet the noise I hear in my heart
The noise I hear in my heart
The noise I hear in my heart

Friday, December 18, 2009

Excerpt?

"The lines in your hands are the maps to show you who you are," he told me.
As I looked at my hands I realized that the lines were blurry and complicated.
"They get blurrier when you frown," He told me. "And clearer when you smile."
"Is that how it works?" I asked, tracing a few.
"Go ahead." He smiled and took my hand, "Quote me."



Im not so sure where this is going.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Masked.

And so, the masked one goes on.
Living as a secret, for the angel he awaits is not awaiting him.
He lives in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment.
As he knows, that moment may never come.
But so, the masked one goes on.
He would like to whisper his angel's name,
He would like to hope that the wind would carry it to her.
And along with the whisper, he would like his hopes and compliments to go.
He would like her to know that she is beautiful.
She does not listen to the wind.
And so, he writes his whispers in the flower beds.
He writes in an elegant script that she is beautiful,
And that she is loved and needed in this harsh world.
But she does not listen to the flowers, nor the wind.
He stomps silently in the shadows, pacing quickly.
His angel does not listen to the whispering wind, or the sweet flowers.
And so, he waits.
She goes on, falling deep into a terrifying nightmare.
He tries to follow after, but he longs to be waiting here for her when she awakes.
But so, as he knows, she does not awake.

Monday, December 14, 2009

StupidWords.

How is it that every song stuck in my head is the exact opposite of what Im feeling?
Am I trying to trick myself into believing everything is okay when Im really falling apart?
Why is it that I feel so confused right now?
I need a break.

--

I hate mondays.
I hate awkward.
I hate mistakes.
I hate insults.
I hate selfish.
I love smiles.
I love laughing.
I love writing.
I love singing.
I love my Jesus.
I love people.

--

Where are you now?
Now that I need you the most.
Now when all I think about is the reassuring words you used to whisper.
Now when I realize nothing will be the same.
And now, when I realize that none of it was ever your fault.
Now, when I realize my fears got in the way of what needed to be said.
Now, I realize this, when Im sitting here alone with just my stupid pride.
Now, when I look outside and notice it's like a million little stars spelling out your name.
And now, when our song repeats back to me, the words etched into my mind.
Now, when I see that you were so, so, sorry.
Now, when I go back over the silent conversations in my mind.
Now, when just a sign that you still think of me would be oh, so wonderful.
And now, when Im here alone, wondering where you are now.
Ha, oh, yeah, and now, when I could scream out these words, and know you're too far gone to hear them.
The sky may fall,
And the stars may too, But truth is,
In the end,
I'll still love you.


--

Im trying not to worry about love,
Cause I know that even in fairy-tales,
They don't find each other until the last page.
But I honestly don't know what to say anymore.
Cause I know, for the first time, rainy days cant be wiped away,
With your laugh. With your smile.




Saturday, December 12, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Masquerade?

More and more, it feels like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself.
And oh, how I hate it.

Less.

I want more of you, Lord, less of me.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Dontknow.

Im not quite sure I was ready for all this, and Im sorry.
I cant do this right now, and I hate it.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Maybe,possibly.

This will turn out better than I thought,
And I am determined to make it okay.
Today will be a good day.
I will not let anyone bring me down.
Tonight is a night to spend with my family -- my best friends.
And nothing will stop me from it(:

Monday, December 7, 2009

Please don't act like Im stupid.

Cause honestly, Im not.
It doesn't take rocket science to figure out what just happened.
Grow up.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

MyMindSpinsOn.

- Oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation
Half of my heart takes time
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you
That I can't keep loving you
Oh, with half of my heart

- I can care now.

- Im going thorough the day on two hours of sleep.
Lets see how this works.

-Bye.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

"Saving and publishing may fail. Retrying..." Oh, forget it.

Im having trouble caring about anything right now.
I just want to rest and relax without having to be me for a minute.
And I feel so guilty.
But I cant make myself care.
I'll be fine tomorrow, and I know it.
But I really cant make myself talk to anyone right now.
And I hate it.

ThoughtsThoughtsThoughts.

Speaking to a four year old?
Trying to get a conversation.
Deny?
Greatest fear.
Plot.Characters.Scene.Setting.Backround.Novel.
Almost finished.
Miss you.
Creeper.
Best friend?
Birthday.
Love.
Confusion.
Memories.
Loss.

Get out of my head, already.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Honestly,

I dont care anymore.
And I dont see why I ever did.
(:

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Ohh,,,

Well, that was terrifying.


No post secret for today, because so much is going on in my mind right now, I dont know where to even begin.


Monday, November 30, 2009

Soo, umm, no hard feelings?

I've been trying to have this conversation for seven long months.
And you never returned.
Then, out of the blue, when I decided to forget all about it, you start the conversation with hi.
Im so glad it's over with now... relief is a great feeling. Whether we're close again or not, Im happy with this.
I missed my best friend.


Oh, 'post secret' for today?


Sunday, November 29, 2009

Postsecret?


Maybe one a day.
Maybe just until I feel free again.
But I'll do it nervously.

.To Write Love On Her Arms.


"Tell them to look up.
Tell them to remember the stars."

Friday, November 27, 2009

goaway.

Make this go away, please.
Make it all dissapear so I can move on without it.
I have my life, and I want you to live yours...
But I dont like what you keep putting on my shoulders to sort through.
Honestly, I dont know how to tell you anything anymore.
You're twisting my words and deciphering our conversations to the core.
You're making everything to be way too much for me.
I cant deal with it anymore.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Oh, dont even...

Try to act like you did nothing. Grow up and take responsibility. You did it, apologize to the person you did it to instead of crying to me.
---- Okay day, I guess, not that anyone is reading this. School. Very stupid after lunch, thanks to two very immature idiots. Then Deck The Halls which was very fun.
"I like flair."
"Did you seriously just put the holiday balls in his locker?"
Then come home and eat dinner and see Grandma, Grandpa and Great Grandma. "Im a druggie." - Great Grandma "I dont even know what a wii is! I gotta go wee though..." - Great Grandma Then youthgroup. Making dinner for families. But honestly, I just dont know what to do anymore. I cant not talk to you -- you're like my brother. But the drama it's creating is ridiculous. Help me?

Monday, November 23, 2009

Oop.

Ohhh,
Quit being so immature, please.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Thinking.


One thing at a time...
Thinking hurts too much.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Handshakes.

Here's the thing I've wanted for a while now.
And now I'm terrified to take it.
Yet, my greatest fear is the exact opposite of this.
So now what do I do?




Monday, November 9, 2009

NanoWriMo.


Why do you strive to kill me?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

This Is Serious.


I dont really want to be a giraffe.
Fighting with my neck doesn't seem nice.
Just awkward, and painful.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Day Two, 3,012.

I cannot bring myself to regret the decisions I made that brought me to him. He was so…dissimilar. I suppose he was the same in many ways, but compared to myself, dissimilar. He was carefree, invisible, calm, intelligent…transitory. Thinking back, I cannot quite remember what was going on in my mind as I followed carelessly after him, making decisions that could doubtlessly ruin my perfect future. Love perhaps, though curiosity could be it too. Yet, that’s acceptable to me.

-NaNoWriMo, Day Two Excerpt.

(Goal, 3,333)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

NaNoWriMo?


Hello.
Wish me luck, yes?
[NationalNovelWritingMonth]

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

QuietQuestions.


- If you could, would you choose to know the day, time, and way you will die?
- Would you rather spend two hours with the person you'll marry, or someone from the past?
- Can you honestly say you would die for someone?
- If you were given the chance to have ten million dollars, but knew that some one you didn't know would die if you took it, would you take it?
- Assuming that complete recovery were instantaneous, would you be willing to accept a year of total paralysis below the neck to prevent the death of four of your worst enemies?
- Would you want to live forever if you got the chance?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Hello;


I
miss
you
quite
terribly.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

SillySilly.







You think Im confusing?
...
Have you met yourself?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

LeftAlone.


"There were some buildings…these huge buildings and they could walk. So they got up and they left the city. Then there were some vampires. The vampires wanted to make the buildings into vampires so they flew in and attacked them. They bit them. One of the vampires bit the tallest building but his fangs broke off. Then the rest of his teeth fell out. And he cried because he would never get new teeth again. And the other vampires said ‘why are you crying, aren’t those just your baby teeth?’ And the vampire said ‘no, those are my grown-up teeth.’ And the vampires knew he couldn’t be a vampire anymore so they left him. And he couldn’t be friends with the buildings because the vampires had killed them all." King Max.




Saturday, October 17, 2009

Guess.

- You’re going to break her heart. (At least break it nicer.)

- You give me butterflies.

- Give it up, you’re only hurting yourself through this.

- I'm afraid I'll loose you to something smaller.

- I miss you, I love you.

- I don’t need you anymore, but thanks for trying.

- I'm afraid to fall for you…but I'll do it anyway… (I fell for you.)

- Oh, boy, don’t be such a hypocrite.

- I miss the old you, but I have a feeling I wont ever be strong enough to say it.

- Don’t change who you are because of this. (I was too late.)

- Im afraid that you'll turn into some one you're not, and I'll only end up missing the person I thought you were. (You turned into someone else, I got left behind. I miss you.)

- If you jump, I will jump too…we will fall together

- I would die for you…the problem is, I know you wouldn’t die for me.

- I am not about to give up the very thing that saved my life…twice.

- I don’t have to trust you…you don’t have to try to make me anymore.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Everything.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

-Lifehouse, Everything.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

LittleWords.

"I remember when the whales had wings, she said. Whatever happened? I said. It got to be too noisy with all the airplanes & other stuff, so they flew into the ocean & never came back. Some days, she added, I think about going too."
"There came a moment in the middle of the song when she suddenly felt every heartbeat in the room & after that she never forgot she was part of something much bigger."
"I was never good at hide and seek becaue I'd always make enough noise so my friends would be sure to find me. I dont have anyone to play those games with any more, but now and then I make enough noise just in case someone ins still looking and hasn't found me yet."

"He loved her for almost everything she was & she decided that was enough to let him stay for a very long time." (no good with figures)


-BrianAndreas.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

RestInPeace.


As I drive, I wonder,

Does that man – that woman – know where I'm going?

And if they did, would they care?

Would they care that someone who’s loved dearly is gone forever?

Would they care that two son’s lost their mother –

And a husband his wife?

As I ache for memories I will never hold with her,

I wonder how many of these people are holding onto their last memories with her.

I wish to take the pain away from her family and her friends.

I long to see her holding her son again, wearing a full smile on her face.

As I look at pictures, and hear stories,

I wonder what it was like to know her,

And to laugh with her.

I look out at the busy streets,

And wonder.

Is that woman – or that man – going somewhere important?

And if they are, does anyone care?

Are they going to mourn the loss of someone they loved dearly?

Did they loose their sons, husband, wife, daughters, mother or father?

Why is it that we judge so many people, without looking at our own lives first?

I wonder how many of these people last tried hard to make someone’s day better for them.

Six words ring out in my head, every morning I wake up, and every night before I sleep.

I want to scream it out,

To everyone on the busy, rushing streets,

And to everyone in this small, crowded church.

Is this your greatest day ever?

Open Your Eyes.


You’re all she thinks about,

She could talk for days about you and everything you do.

When she talks to you, it’s the highlight of her day.

She has a silly smile on her face for the rest of the day.

She truly looks happy when she’s with you.

When you hug her, she wishes you’d keep your arms around her for a little bit longer,

She wishes she could stop time and replay it here over and over.

You always leave her with a smile on her face

And a million butterflies.

But at the same time…

If only you knew,

When she’s upset, its usually your fault.

No matter how many people tell her different,

She refuses to see any bad in you.

She believes your perfect for her,

She thinks worth every second of the pain and the wait.

Anything you do narrows done to a mere mistake to her,

She refuses to believe you’d hurt her.

You give her smiles and butterflies one day,

And tears and heartache the next,

You continuously put her through tough situations.

But at the same time,

She never would admit it.

If only you knew…

Dear -----,


Your anger is a façade

To mask the fear you feel.

You feel a need to be strong

Because without it, you feel you have nothing.

You feel you need to brag,

About your money and family,

But you would rather not have money,

If it meant your family could stay together.

You feel that you should move on,

But you wish you could go back.

You feel that your ready,

But you need more time.

You cant hold on,

Even if you know it wont stay like this.

Things will get better.

People change,

Things change.

Nothing lasts forever,

And the person you thought would never hurt you -

Will.

Hold on,

Wait for the storm to pass.